I have visited several supermarkets this week, exchanging various loyalty points for essential Christmas items such as amaretto, sherry and fine wines (there is a theme, I'm sure you can see it). The supermarkets are packed. I have checked opening times for said supermarkets. Tesco for example closes at 7pm on Christmas Eve and opens again at 10am on Boxing Day, totalling 39 hours.
There is a palpable aura of frenzy at the chipolata counter and a nervous twitching around the sprouts. In fact, I'm so twitchy about sprouts, I bought some frozen ones JUST IN CASE. I had to leave the shop shortly afterwards as JUST IN CASE can be used to rationalise any purchase. Luckily I was in Sainsbury's, not Jigsaw or Toast.
Christmas Day is a week away. Is everyone planning to hunker down and stay in the house for over a week? This, I believe, will cause more trauma if we all pop out on the icy roads. There are several possible scenarios:
- family A will have had a huge row and no-one will be speaking to each other by the time FC readies the reindeer
- family B will run out of a) wine b) sherry c) wrapping paper and feel inadequately prepared and furies of blame and shame will heap upon the family member who didn't buy enough
- family C will watch so much TV and eat so much quality street that the sofa will break, necessitating a trip to DFS
I know it's snowing heavily in lots of places and I know that everyone wants to have a lovely, lovely Christmas but isn't it time to get a grip - especially in the North of Wiltshire where the BBC's weather forecast says nothing but 'white cloud' for the next three days?