Tuesday, 25 November 2008

some weeks are better than others

Not, it would seem, this one.

I am anxious and stressed and upset. I am spiralling, twittering and worrying.

I went to see the doctor and she gave me a leaflet from the world-wide-webby and told me to come and see her in a fortnight. She suggested I could phone some of the numbers on there.

During my visit we completed a questionnaire together and I had to answer whether I'd felt a particular emotion or thought a particular thought during the last two weeks:
a) not at all
b) a couple of days
c) more than a couple of days
d) all of the time.

She looked a little concerned when she asked me whether other people had noticed if I'd been slower or clumsier than usual and I answered that I hadn't noticed whether anyone had and I didn't care if they had. This lack of interest in others seems to be a symptom.

After answering ten questions enquiring about my eating, sleeping and suicidal thoughts (don't worry - haven't had any), the computer did not say 'no'. It said I'm moderately, severely depressed. I've been invited back and have been referred to see the doctor who will assess whether my mental health merits further discussion. I wondered what people who experience severe, long-term depression have to do to get an appointment with an actual, real-life counsellor? Do they have to become more depressed to get an appointment? Perhaps if we could all have the odd hour with someone who could simply listen while we sort out our jumbled head-cupboards, some of the severe cases could be avoided. Who knows?

I left with my leaflet and cried in the car. I felt a little better. In fact, I felt sorry for the doctor. I'd been her third patient. That's not a good day in the office by any standards. Who wants ladies of a certain age turning up before coffee break, crying and being stressed?

I hope her next patient was suffering from a verruca.


Only Me said...

I'm really sorry this is not such a good week for you.

Anxiety and spiralling is not at all nice. Nothing like a questionnaire, a list of telephone numbers, and another appointment to help - it would just be so nice if you could talk to someone NOW and not have to wait and get stuck in the whole 'process' thing.

Next week will be better. XX

katie said...

a light box - it works for me .....