Tuesday, 4 March 2008

dithering

I am faced with the horrible prospect of removing myself from just one of the fences I love to sit on. I must choose this week whether to pursue a degree or, well, not.

I have always been terrible at making decisions. I decided not to continue aged ballet, aged 7, because I couldn't bear the pressure of being bought pretty little shoes and having the responsibility of NEVER BEING ABLE TO GIVE UP. It was clear that dithering, even at my young age, was not to be tolerated.

I decided to give up gymnastics, aged 8, because I didn't want to be bought a leotard. This, too, would have meant I must to gymnastics for ever and that it was a big decision, not to be taken lightly.

I have always been acutely aware that deciding to do one thing means a rejection of something else. People who don't feel like this are quite at liberty to make the assumption that I am woolly and non-committal. I would, in my defence, like to disagree. I even bought a book (being borrowed at present by a friend who, I suspect, has a similar personality trait) called 'What do I do if I want to do everything?' by Barbara Sher (here's a review at http://blogcritics.org/archives/2007/03/01/062521.php). Despite it's self-help-nonsense title, it made total sense to me mainly because it told me that I was wonderful and that I didn't really have to decide. I just needed to change my perspective a little. I did one particular exercise and discovered that there are, in fact, lots of things I don't want to do....

- study science
- learn more about history than I know
- work/study/be near animals of any description
- work with food
- collect cacti
- collect anything really (apart from glass fish)
- go on walking holidays
- go on a cruise
- learn about geology
- find out more about space travel

Which of course means I've got oodles and totes and shopping bags full of time for arting, writing, crafting, gardening, wifing, mothering, friending, lunching, eating, cooking and, of course, blogging!

No comments: