Sunday, 11 November 2007


My dear friend S has been in hospital and this week has been full of worries. She's now at home and, I hope, has fewer worries. I do. We've had a few weeks of bad, sad news from all sorts of places and it's made me feel very appreciative of the fact that, touch wood, I haven't had any of my own for a while and that everyone close to me is safe.

On the flip side of my deep and meaningfuls is the growing conviction that my life has become a pile. I have too much stuff. I've become a compulsive hoarder of books, magazines, fabric (yes, god, I must be 40) and projects. Too many things to look at and not enough time to look at them. There are whole areas of my existence that I just don't even see anymore because I can't. I can't bear to look at where I'm most failing - the garden being just one rather large reminder of my uselessness.

I've made the lists, I've tried to be more focused but I just can't. I'm never going to get the time to sort myself out. Life just doesn't happen like that for me. I'm going to have to try another tactic and carve out sections of the day.

I often wonder how important people with important jobs get through the day. I was rushing around on Friday wondering when exactly I was going to have time to buy some bananas when the governor of the Bank of England came on talking about the Northern Rock crisis and how he had to organise all that whilst deciding on what the interest rate was going to be. Thank God there are people like that prepared to do jobs like that. I'm glad there are other, more super, human beings who are happy to take all those big responsibilities. I don't care how much they get paid.

Thank God Matt went through on Strictly.

What will they make Letitia Dean wear next?

Why is Brendan watisname so irritating?

Is anyone else a secret Anton de Beck fan, or is it just me?

1 comment:

hausfrau said...

It won't do! You have to have positive thoughts about yourself or no one else will. Went on a course once where we were taught to make positive statements about ourselves and repeat them regularly like a mantra: 'I'm really good at Maths' was one. I can't tell you I approved of the Americanness of it all, but I understood clearly that saying negative things does nothing but undermine you: think positive countrymummy!!