Wednesday, 4 July 2007

projectforty – 108 days to go

I’ve had my first project failure. My cuticles have been neglected for another 24 hours. I blame Gordon Ramsay.

Last night I adopted my vegetative position on the sofa to shout at Gillian McKeith while she trampled on the self esteem of 3 large fiancés wanting a new dress and watched endless VT repetitions of their bellies and breasts. GMcK bullied, I huffed and puffed. I also ate a slice of cake in defiance. I had planned a 9pm ascent to the bathroom to indulge in a spot of self-manicuration. I didn't leave the sofa fast enough - Gordon appeared, striding along, taking his shirt off and I was hooked.

I couldn’t leave the room. I know. It’s tragic. Johnny Vegas mentioned the word ‘menopausal’ in relation to women who fancy the chef-tastic stud that is GR. I felt suitably shamed. I don’t FANCY him. I just wish he’d come round and cook me something and shout a lot.

I can’t cuticule tonight either as I have to meet the parish council and have a governor’s meeting. I will expand on the masochistic, community-focused slant to my life in a future post. It's an ever-expanding element of my existence.

Resolution 1, "a caffeine-free life" is going well and my fuzzy-headedness has gone. I haven’t quite got the dewy complexion and bright white eyes I was hoping for but I do feel I’m doing something. I read recently that to make changes you need to make small steps, keep them going for 4 days and then adopt another new step and you get this build up effect of ‘doing good things’. Sounds a bit slow for my liking. I was hoping to lose a stone in a week and get kind of shiny and bronzed and glossy. Expectations are at maximum - effort likely to remain minimum....

The cuticles will need to wait. Tonight, I propose to listen to my Paul McKenna relaxation CD (free with the Mail on Sunday) after the meetings. All I’ll need to do is put my earphones in and lie down. I can’t be doing with activity today. I’ve got enough to do.

An enhanced sleep experience coupled with total hydration MUST be a positive activity and it’s all I can fit in today between working and meeting and kidding – they need the usual stuff tonight: picking up from football, feeding, homeworking and transferring to Rainbows.

I have two – kids, not rainbows. One boy, 9 and one girl, 6. I love them dearly and like them a lot. They have the potential to be better versions of me and my beloved (so far) and they have more of our good qualities than our bad (so far). They eat my cooking and allow me to decide what we do (most of the time). What more could a mother ask for?

Does anyone know how to use one of those pointy, snippy cuticle remover contraptions?

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